Dear Birthmother…

Where does one start?  I have attempted to write to you several times, thinking it would be easy to tell you my life story in just a few paragraphs, it’s not. As a mother, I would want to know the baby I gave away at birth was ok. So I will tell you, I am more than ok, I am great! Don’t get me wrong, I am no different than most,  I have had my fair share of ups and downs, but for the most part, I’ve taken life in stride. I am very fortunate to have loving friends and family. Both have been my support, my rock and are always there to guide me and put me back on course when need be. I have maintained a positive attitude throughout my life, and it’s mostly due to the people I have surrounded myself with. I wouldn’t be me without them!

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My parents, both loving and kind, slightly old fashioned with traditional values, have always had my best interest at heart. They were your typical parents, and yes, even they drove me crazy at times, but I’m sure I was a handful, in fact, I know I was a handful. I was an only child, which had its advantages, grateful I didn’t have to share the limelight and at times, I wished I had a cohort to share in my childhood adventures. That said, void of any siblings taught me to be outgoing, I made friends wherever I went. It came naturally for me, maintaining those friendships were and are still extremely important to me. My parents taught me the value of those relationships and how they would play a significant role in my life. They were right.

 

The term nature vs nurture rings true for me; there were so many instances, I often wondered, was it genetics or something I learned? You don’t know what you don’t know…

Music has always been a huge part of my life, it started with the radio playing in my father’s car and usually with me singing along in the back seat. My passion for music continued on to many record albums later. Naturally, dancing went hand in hand with music. I learned Russian dance as well as ballet, truth be known, I love to dance and I can’t think of a better combination with music.

 

As for my school years…let’s just say, I wasn’t an academic; I loved the arts and enjoyed anything relating to design.  I had dreams of becoming a fashion designer, and my passion for design didn’t stop there. I loved anything to do with interior design and architecture. It wasn’t until my adult years that gardening took centre stage, making this an extension of my home. I often found myself outside working in the garden, getting my hands dirty, discovering this to be one of my happy places.

I’ve loved only a few and lucky to have loved. There was a boy in grade 3 who would frequently drop off little gifts and notes to my home, he was my first crush. Once I got to high school, there were a lot of boys on my radar, I was a bit boy crazy. That said, I was smitten with many but had only one serious boyfriend, we dated for 5 years; he was my first love.  It took a trip to Europe at the age of 21 to realize that I needed a change.  After all, there was a huge world out there waiting for me to explore.

While I was exploring…I met my husband. We dated for 4 years and were engaged while on a trip to Japan, we married that same year. I thought of you on my wedding day, not sure why, except to say, it was an important event in my life. It was a perfect day, the ceremony was held outside on a sprawling lawn with breathtaking ocean views. In my opinion, it was a beautiful wedding.  If I could have bottled that moment for you, I would have. The marriage lasted almost 27 years, we shared many great moments together as a couple, who knows why or when it fell apart… I would do it all over again.

Sadly, a couple years after we married, I lost my father to cancer, he was 75.

You have two grandsons, the oldest is 22, he recently graduated from university, and the youngest is 19 he’s in his second year. They both are the absolute world to me, and I couldn’t imagine my life without them.  They are loving, full of energy, funny and passionate about many things. I treasure our moments together, the stories, conversations and debates are endless, bringing a smile to my face every time.

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Giving up a baby 55 years ago would have been extremely difficult. It’s hard to imagine my two grown boys were once my babies and well, perhaps they’ll always be my babies. To have missed any special moments of their lives would be inconceivable to me.

I have had an amazingly full life, so yes, I’m more than ok, I’m great, and I owe that to my wonderful parents that raised me and loved me, letting me become who I am today.

with Love

Llorea

xo

2 thoughts on “Dear Birthmother…

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