September 26, 2019


If you’re a fan of Sex and the City, then you’ll remember Carrie’s reaction to Berger when he broke up with her on a post-it note. The flower vase full of carnations went flying, and she lost her shit! Yes, he broke up with her, but it was how he did it. Seriously, wtf?!

I recently had a similar situation happen to me with a friend who decided to break up with me in a text, calling this the latest version of a post-it note. I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me; it does. It came as a shock, and after many years of friendship, I think I deserved better than this.  I read the text from my friend over and over, trying to understand how I failed her.  The more I read, the angrier I became; don’t make assumptions about me. There are always two sides to every story.

However, in this case, there seemed to be several issues at hand. Did I abandon my friend? Did I say something hurtful or something more? At the end of the day, I see this as a huge loss, and I question myself as to how I contributed. In the end, I have to accept that this may be where she is in her life rather than me. I accept this out of love and respect.

Needing reassurance that I hadn’t been a terrible friend, I turned to the internet, in search of definitions of friendship. I believe the following is true for me, keeping in mind we are all different. I’ve been incredibly fortunate to have a remarkable circle of friends. They hail from various facets of my life and serve as the glue that holds me together. I deeply admire each of them for their individuality and unwavering commitment to our friendship, and I love them unconditionally. Life is BUSY, so, if I don’t hear from you, I will check up on you. If you don’t hear from me, text me or pick up the phone, it’s that simple!  I will do my best to be available because that’s what friends do.

Google definition

Friendship, for most people, is a combination of affection, loyalty, love, respect, and trust. True friendship is when someone knows you better than yourself and takes a position in your best interests in a crisis. Friendship goes beyond just sharing time together, and it is long-lasting.

A true friend is someone who has your back when things are going very wrong in your life. A true friend is someone who keeps their promises and makes you want to keep yours, too. A true friend is someone who neither leads nor follows but walks with you. You’ll know when you find them.

Aristotle figured there were three kinds of friendships:
  • 1) Friendships of utility: exist between you and someone who is useful to you in some way. …
  • 2) Friendships of pleasure: exist between you and those whose company you enjoy…
  • 3) Friendships of the good: are based on mutual respect and admiration.
I read this years ago, it still rings true, at least I think so…

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support;
To aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered, and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown


The comments +

  1. Adrienne says:

    From a loving, lifelong friend 🙂

  2. Is there ever really a reason for any friendship to break up, even in conflict? I don’t think so, no matter what type of friendship. Often enough, seasons come full circle. My two best friends are an example of that, two guys that required my support during their divorces, supported me through mine, and now we support each other because the seasons did come full circle.

  3. Paulette Bornestig says:

    We are still friends – right?
    my sophisticated friend, my woman of life knowledge friend, never to be forgotten weekend in San Francisco friend.
    I feel that I have consciously severed one unhealthy friendship. One long childhood friendship fizzled in an odd way – we had randomly met in a grocery store as adults which reignited the friendship and then it came to nothing. Not the right time for us I guess.
    Other than that I agree with your pal “middle aged” – I have maintained many different types of friendships, even with long blocks of time with little communication. All friendship holds value.

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