Dear Birthmother

Where does one start? I’ve tried writing to you several times, thinking it would be easy to share my life story in just a few paragraphs — but it’s not.

First, as a mother, I imagine you’d want to know if the baby you gave up at birth was okay. So, I’ll start there: I am more than okay — I’m great!

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my share of ups and downs like anyone else, but I’ve taken life in stride. I’m fortunate to have a loving family and wonderful friends who have always been my support and my rock — guiding me, grounding me, and helping me find my way whenever I needed it. I’ve managed to stay positive through it all, mostly because of the incredible people I’ve surrounded myself with. I wouldn’t be me without them.

Growing Up

My parents were loving, kind, and a little old-fashioned, with strong traditional values. They always had my best interests at heart. They were typical parents — sometimes they drove me crazy, and I’m sure I returned the favour!

I was an only child, which had its perks. I didn’t have to share the spotlight, but there were times I wished I had someone to share my childhood adventures with. Still, not having siblings taught me to be outgoing. I made friends wherever I went — it just came naturally. Maintaining those friendships has always been deeply important to me. My parents taught me the value of relationships and how they would shape my life. They were right.

The phrase nature versus nurture often comes to mind when I think about my life. There have been so many moments when I’ve wondered — was this something in my genes, or something I learned? You don’t know what you don’t know.

Finding My Passions

Music has always been a big part of my life. I can still see myself in the backseat of my father’s old Ford, singing along to the car radio. That love of music only grew as I got older — along with my ever-expanding record collection! Naturally, dancing went hand in hand. I learned Russian folk dance and ballet, and to this day, I’ll find any excuse to break out a few dance moves.

As for school — let’s just say academics weren’t my strength. I loved the arts and anything related to design. I dreamed of becoming a fashion designer, but my creative interests didn’t stop there. Interior design and architecture also fascinated me. Later in life, gardening became another creative outlet — an extension of my home. Getting my hands dirty in the garden brings me calm; it’s one of my happy places.

Love and Life

I’ve loved only a few, but I consider myself lucky to have loved at all. My first crush was in third grade — a sweet boy who used to drop off little gifts and notes at my door. By high school, I’ll admit, I was a bit boy-crazy! Still, I had only one serious boyfriend, my first love, and we dated for five years.

A trip to Europe when I was 21 changed everything. It opened my eyes to the world and made me realize I needed something new — there was so much more out there to explore.

While exploring that world, I met my husband. We dated for four years and got engaged while traveling in Japan, marrying later that same year. I remember thinking of you on my wedding day — not sure why, except that it was such a significant moment in my life. It was a beautiful outdoor ceremony on a sprawling lawn overlooking the ocean. I wish I could have bottled that day to share with you.

Our marriage lasted almost 27 years. We shared many wonderful moments together. Though things eventually fell apart, I would still do it all again.

Family and Full Circle

A couple of years after we married, I lost my father to cancer. He was 75.

You have two grandsons. The oldest is 22 and just graduated from university; the youngest is 19 and in his second year. They are my world. I can’t imagine my life without them — they’re loving, funny, full of energy, and passionate about so many things. I treasure every moment with them. Our stories, conversations, and debates always bring a smile to my face.

Giving up a baby 55 years ago must have been unimaginably difficult. As a mother myself, I can’t imagine missing even one of the moments I’ve shared with my boys. No matter how old they get, they’ll always be my babies.

More Than Okay

I’ve had an amazingly full and beautiful life. So yes — I am more than okay. I’m great. And I owe that to my wonderful parents who raised me, loved me, and allowed me to become the person I am today.

With Love

Llorea

xo