It’s official, I’m divorced. Another first, making me a statistic and joining thousands of other unsuccessful marriages. I now have to live with the stigma of “divorce” which in my mind equals failure. That said, I am looking at this with glass is full attitude, feeling proud of 31 years with the same partner. Let’s face it, it’s longer than most marriages these days, which is nothing to sneeze at. Regardless, it’s not an easy process, hitting me harder than I expected. Not sure if it was the actual wording of the document, “you will be divorced on such and such date” or the fact that this has dragged on for over four years. You know it’s going to happen, and just like being in a crash, you brace yourself before impact. I’m emotionally exhausted. It’s final, no changes, no erasing, I will be fine, but it doesn’t make the emotional scars go away. It will be difficult to stop myself from wondering, what could we have done differently as a couple. Both of us letting the other down at some point during our marriage. No regrets, what’s done is done.
I married my best friend, our marriage blossomed, I was his Yin, he was my Yang. We made a home, children followed, careers took off, we travelled, filling albums full of photos and making memories. Thankfully, these memories are permanently ingrained in my mind. We are forever family, bonded by our children and the best friend will always be my friend, we just need time to heal our wounds.
The future looks promising, there is a life after divorce, and I’m here to say, it does get better. I’m not going to lie, it’s only until very recently, that my comments on the dating world would be “its a shit show out there!” Feeling like the old dog at the animal shelter “but she’s house trained”, I know damn well everyone wants a puppy. That said, this dog has a few tricks up her sleeves 😉
“Such and such date” arrived today, which will be uneventful, unlike the original celebration, this time, without the white dress or tuxedo. Obviously, there is some sadness surrounding this, but in the end, I want my husband to be happy (call me crazy). I sincerely hope, that one day he finds true happiness with that someone special. Life is too short…embrace, enjoy, celebrate and take risks in love, nothing worse than regrets.
We’re human, and it’s easy to go down the road of feeling sorry for oneself but why? I’m giving myself permission to have those moments but not letting them get in the way of me being the best version of myself. Divorce, like all endings, opens the door to new beginnings, I have a few ideas of what those will be, making me very excited going forward.