Another first, making me a statistic and joining thousands of other unsuccessful marriages. I now have to live with the stigma of “divorce,” which in my mind equals failure. That said, I am looking at this with a glass is full attitude, feeling proud of 31 years with the same partner. Let’s face it, it’s longer than most marriages these days, which is nothing to sneeze at.
Regardless, it’s not an easy process, hitting me harder than expected. Not sure if it’s the actual wording of the document, “you will be divorced on such and such date,” or that this has dragged on for over four years. You know it will happen, and just like being in a crash, you brace yourself before impact. I’m emotionally exhausted. It’s final, no changes or erasing, I will be fine, but it doesn’t make the emotional scars disappear.
It will be difficult to stop wondering what we could have done differently as a couple. Both of us let the other down at some point during our marriage. No regrets. What’s done is done.
I married my best friend, and our marriage blossomed. I was his Yin, and he was my Yang. We made a home, children followed, careers took off, and we travelled, filling albums full of photos and making memories. Thankfully, those memories are permanently ingrained in my mind. We are forever family, bonded by our children, and my best friend will always be my friend. But we need time to heal our wounds.
The future looks promising, there is a life after divorce, and I’m here to say it does get better. However, until recently, my comments on the dating world would be, “it’s a shit show out there!” I feel like an old dog at the animal shelter, “she’s house trained,” knowing damn well everyone wants a puppy. That said, this dog has a few tricks up her sleeves 😉
Such and such date arrived today, which will be uneventful, unlike the original celebration, this time, without a white dress or tuxedo. Naturally, there is some sadness surrounding this, but in the end, I want my husband to be happy (call me crazy). I sincerely hope he finds true happiness with a special someone. Life is too short. Embrace, enjoy, celebrate and take risks in love. Nothing worse than regrets.
Although it’s easy to go down the road of feeling sorry for oneself, but why? I’m permitting myself to have those moments but not letting them get in the way of me being the best version of myself. Divorce, like all endings, opens the door to new beginnings. I have a few ideas of what those will be, making me very excited.