I write this with a heavy heart, emotionally, this was one of my toughest weeks ever. I had to put down our beloved Heidi girl.  It happened so fast and there wasn’t much time to think about anything except that it was the right thing to do.

Perhaps I recognized something was up for a while, procrastinating the vet for a few more days, thinking, maybe she’s just fighting a little bug or something.  Unfortunately, the vet visit went sideways, with the doctor referring me to the animal hospital.  Naturally, the well being of Heidi became a group chat with my sons and ex-husband, all of us hoping she would be ok.  With one son in Montreal, the other in Victoria and my ex-husband landing in Atlanta, it was clear, I had to keep it together, whatever the circumstances.  The prognosis wasn’t good, test results showing it was most likely cancer and for a dog her age, surgery was not recommended. In the end, my ex-husband and I made the decision, if we love her, we have to let her go.  FUCK!!

If Heidi could talk, I can only imagine the stories she would tell. Not that I think we’re a crazy household or anything (well, maybe just a bit), but there are certain things that only a dog would know. LOL, it’s probably a good thing.

I’ve referred to her a few times in past blogs, painting an image of a dog gone princess, which is true for the most part but seriously, it was always on her terms, she had us figured out to her advantage. Heidi was the heart and soul of our home, her unconditional love for her family was mutual.  She was our meet and greet, our security, and she was undeniably a huge part of our family, her silly blonde smile would melt anyone’s heart, it was infectious.

“Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” – Roger Caras

I cried and sobbed beyond feelings for a dog, having no more tears left in me, I did wonder, will I be ok? It was REALLY hard and for the first time our family was apart when we needed to be together and for me, this triggered many emotions.  That said, I loved how we all came together, regardless of the distance between us. Sending love through texts and phone calls, beyond my expectations, thankful that we will always have this wonderful connection,  being a family regardless of circumstances.

For me,  I realized that my grief was less about a dog and more about another chapter closed, yes, I was mourning my dog but I was also mourning my family (so many changes), my life (with those changes) and what is to be.  What is to be?

I’m saying goodbye to yet another chapter and for the first time, I am free to be anything…

LC

xo

Love you Heidi girl, you will be missed xoxo