There’s a classic scene from the movie Pretty Woman; Julia Robert’s character Vivian is desperate to spend a chunk of money on several new outfits for her, ahem…date.
We’re all familiar with the scene; Vivian’s character is tartly dressed, wearing thigh-high boots, a tank top and an overtly short skirt. She wanders into a posh store on Rodeo Drive, only to be judged by the sales clerk, who takes a glaring look at her and her skanky outfit. Vivian struggles to get help; humiliated by her experience, she leaves. It’s a cliche example of judging someone based on their appearance. Whether right or wrong, without knowing her story, we make one up instead. The rules are straightforward, judge first, ask questions later, or at least that’s been my experience in the past. I know we want to think of ourselves as flawless humans; to the contrary, we’re not.
“Judgmental or Jealousy?”
I’ve experienced judgment on both sides, more recently on the receiving end, and that’s not to say I haven’t been judgmental myself. I’m human too! It’s catching yourself in the act and choosing not to go there. Vivian’s experience is typical, but judgment goes beyond one’s appearance.
My recent run-ins have been more to do with how I live my life. Go figure. Apparently, I live in a world of first-world problems, so somehow I should be okay with being judged. Let me just say, everyone has a story, and without a PR person attached to your hip, the “story” can be misrepresented.
I am where I am today because I worked my ASS off! And no, I wasn’t climbing any corporate ladders, but there were plenty of hurdles. Then, out of nowhere, life threw me a curveball, and everything I knew or worked towards came to a grinding halt.
To say, or to JUDGE me, that I somehow have had an easy or pampered life could not be further from the truth! I try not to take these comments to heart, but the Teflon sticks every once in a while. I’m not looking for sympathy, nor is this a woe-is-me moment. If anything, I’m guilty of hiding behind my smile and saying nothing.
“Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”Miguel Ruiz
Someone recently said to me, “your life is so easy; what worries could you possibly have?” Of course, my initial thought was, F*U! But, choosing not to go down that rabbit hole, I responded politely, which shut them up. The truth is, I worry a lot, but my glass-is-half-full attitude is what gets me through shit.
So, what are my worries, you ask? Where do I start? Where does anyone start these days? Without getting into the nitty-gritty, I have a few sleepless nights and some tears, not often but enough. I wouldn’t be human otherwise.
I can’t imagine not living my most authentic self, even when it comes to being in a new relationship. So naturally, a few judgment issues will pop up along the way. But it’s okay; you’re figuring each other out.
I recently had a conversation with a friend; she was excited about purchasing a new winter coat. And yes, it came with a hefty price tag. She hesitated to show the coat to her new guy, worried about his thoughts.
First of all, it should be enjoyed by you, not hidden somewhere because you think your guy will disapprove or judge you. Don’t let guilt, which weighs heavily on us, get in the way of something that makes you happy. It’s a them problem, not yours; if anything, your guy should love it on you and not question your decision. After all, it’s a frick’n winter coat, not a Hermes handbag! And if it is a Hermes handbag, good on you! All kidding aside, it shouldn’t matter what the item is or the situation; it’s irrelevant. There are many great lessons in life. If we don’t strive to be better, then what’s the point of it all?
“Be impeccable with your word. Don’t take anything personally. Don’t make assumptions. Always do your best.”Miguel Ruiz
Absolutely love this! I suffer from the same anxiety you describe of yourself and your friend, worrying what other people (especially men I’ve dated) will think of me, my life, my choices, etc. and judging based upon their own experiences. From the outside looking in it all looks charmed and easy, but below the surface are real struggles and battle scars.
Feeling too “lucky” in life, no reason to complain or be unhappy, can hold us back from being our true selves with the people we want to be a part of our lives. Only we know our actual struggles, everyone has their own set on an individual scale, we should all learn to practice a bit more empathy and lose a little judgement along the way.
Are you smoking a doobie in the picture? I’m trying not to judge (hahahahahaha).
Just checking ;p