Judged before they know you

There’s a classic scene from the movie Pretty Woman; Julia Robert’s character Vivian is desperate to spend a chunk of money on several new outfits for her, ahem…date.

We all know the scene: Vivian strolls into a posh store on Rodeo Drive, dressed in thigh-high boots, a tank top, and an overtly short skirt. The sales clerk gives her a glaring look, judging her outfit—and by extension, her character—without a second thought. Humiliated, Vivian leaves without help.

It’s a cliché example of how we judge people based on appearance. Whether right or wrong, when we don’t know someone’s story, we create one ourselves. The rules seem simple: judge first, ask questions later—or at least, that’s been my experience.

Human, Imperfect, Judgmental

We like to think of ourselves as flawless humans. Truthfully, we’re not. I’ve experienced judgment from both sides, and yes, I’ve judged others myself. It’s human. What matters is catching yourself in the act and choosing not to go there.

Vivian’s experience is relatable, but judgment extends far beyond looks.

Judgement in Everyday Life

My recent run-ins have been more about how I live my life. Go figure. Apparently, I live in a world of first-world problems, so somehow I should be okay with being judged. Let me just say: everyone has a story, and without a PR person attached to your hip, it can be misrepresented.

I am where I am because I worked my ass off! I wasn’t climbing corporate ladders, but I faced plenty of hurdles. Then, out of nowhere, life threw me a curveball, and everything I worked toward came to a grinding halt.

To judge me as having an easy or pampered life? Far from the truth. I try not to take those comments to heart, but sometimes—even with a Teflon exterior—they stick. I’m not seeking sympathy or writing a woe-is-me post. If anything, I’ve been guilty of hiding behind a smile and saying nothing.

Someone recently said, “Your life is so easy; what worries could you possibly have?” My first thought: F*U! But instead of going down that rabbit hole, I responded politely—and that shut them up. The truth? I worry, a lot. My glass-is-half-full attitude is what keeps me moving through it all.

“Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” Miguel Ruiz

The Realities of Being Human

Where do worries start? For anyone? I have a few sleepless nights and some tears—not often, but enough to remind me I’m human. I can’t imagine living any other way than my most authentic self. Even in a new relationship, judgment pops up—naturally—but that’s okay. You’re figuring each other out.

Judgment and Personal Choices

I recently had a conversation with a friend; she was excited about her purchase of a new winter coat. And yes, it came with a hefty price tag. She hesitated to show the coat to her new guy, worried about his thoughts.

My advice? Wear it proudly. Enjoy it for yourself, not hidden away for fear of judgment. Don’t let guilt—which weighs heavily on us—steal your joy.

If anyone questions your choices, that’s on them, not you. After all, it’s a winter coat, not a Hermes handbag! (And if it is a Hermes handbag, more power to you.) The point is, it shouldn’t matter what the item is or the situation—it’s irrelevant.

Lessons in Life

Life teaches us many lessons. Judgment is unavoidable, but choosing how to respond to it defines us. If we don’t strive to be better, to live authentically, then what’s the point?

“Be impeccable with your word. Don’t take anything personally. Don’t make assumptions. Always do your best.” 

Miguel Ruiz