When love, ego, and silence collide — learning what “family” really means.

They say you can choose your friends, but not your family — and I’m sure that rings true for many of us. Families can drive us up the wall, even in the best of times, laughing through our crazy stories one moment and testing our patience the next.

But what if I told you there might come a time when you don’t speak to your family at all? Most people would probably respond, “That’s ridiculous — we’re a close family. How could that ever happen?”

Well, it can happen. And I find myself replaying that scenario in my mind more often than I’d like. I try not to let it bother me, but I was raised in a family that believes in “see it, say it.” The opposite, of course, would be saying nothing at all — and I struggle to find the balance between the two. Being stubborn or insisting on being right doesn’t solve anything, yet silence doesn’t help either.

Communication — or the lack of it — is everything.

Take my in-laws (and yes, there’s probably a joke in there somewhere). During my split with my husband, I worked hard to make sure he and I maintained a civil, kind relationship. Trust me, we had our moments, but at the end of the day, we share two children we both love and adore. Wouldn’t being kind be easier than being right?

Everyone has a breakup story — some good, some bad. In my case, my in-laws chose differently. It’s been three and a half years since I’ve heard a word from them, and that makes me sad for everything they’re missing. They still see their grandsons occasionally — during the summer and on Christmas Eve — but what about everything in between?

When milestones reopen old wounds

This all resurfaced recently as we prepared for my younger son’s graduation. It hit me how emotional and sad it feels that a once-close family was torn apart by a few stubborn egos. It’s so ridiculous!

Still, I’m trying to keep things in perspective. Wouldn’t it make sense to resolve these issues? Isn’t there more to lose by holding onto grudges? To me, it’s obvious — though maybe I’m too much of an idealist. I know some families can’t be fixed. I don’t understand it, but I’ve accepted it.

Doing our best to set an example

I have to believe my husband and I are doing it right. After all, we’re the grown-ups here, trying to set an example for our kids — even when it’s hard. There will be many more celebrations ahead, and it’s sad that some family members can’t seem to figure it out.

I wish I knew how to fix it, but I let it go a while ago. Still, it bothers me. They’re not even my parents, yet their choices affect all of us — and that’s the real sting. I believe in unconditional love, in agreeing to disagree, in not running away when things get tough. Who does that?

What family really means

The Urban Dictionary defines family as:

“A group of people, usually of the same blood (but not always), who genuinely love, trust, care about, and look out for each other. Not to be mistaken for relatives sharing the same household who hate each other. REAL family is a bond that cannot be broken by any means.”

I think that sums it up perfectly. I love my family — my real family. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do, say, or fight for to be part of their lives.

So when things get heated, remember to communicate your love. Because in the end, family matters.

LC