Is this Home?

This is my final installment on Paris, I know, I’m a bit behind, I got a little busy and somewhat distracted,  it’s been hard to stay focused these days.   That said, it’s given me time to think or reflect on the entire experience.  Before leaving for Paris, I was slightly worried, what if I don’t love it there, well, that lasted a day.  Surprised? I wondered about a lot of things, to the point my head hurt, or maybe that was the wine?   How do you know if where you live is home?

There aren’t too many options in Canada that I would choose to live in.  Toronto is a big city which is a plus but lacks charm, where are their patios? Montreal is pretty and has a lot of history, but it hasn’t really evolved in my books, the prairies, uh nope! Calgary or Edmonton? I can’t even go there.  I sound like Canada’s snobby big sister, I’m ok with that.  I live in Vancouver, one of the prettiest cities in the world but is that enough?  Vancouver is like dating a model, it’s wonderful to look at, but if there isn’t a lot in common, I think you would tire of just another pretty face.   Meaning, I have never been your typical outdoors girl,  I have never been shy about admitting this fact, and at some point for me, perhaps all this beauty isn’t enough for me?   I struggle with this, and I hear your disbelief. Vancouver is beautiful, but it’s still a small town relative to the big players out there.

Size matters, yep! And yes, I said that…something inside of me, a switch, a feeling, or energy when I’m in Paris, London or Rome. These cities are some of the big players, they make me come alive!   They are beautiful in their way, but it goes deeper than that.  I can’t get past their history, I take to the streets, imagining, what took place hundreds of years ago. The same buildings are still standing, it’s hard not to get excited, I want to know every intimate detail, they’re not just another pretty face.

I felt at home in Paris; I was just getting into a groove by the end of my month’s visit.  I definitely could have stayed longer, but I missed my boys.  It would have been nice to have a job or part-time studies to keep me feeling more local than a tourist.  You need a sense of purpose, a reason to get up in the morning, I’m still exploring those options.  What about love?  Doesn’t being in love have something to do with where you live?  I have amazing friends, and of course, my family, I feel very fortunate to be loved by so many.  But what about that one particular person, that forever love that you share when you’re home, sitting side by side on the sofa, no words necessary, just being together is love enough.  I wished for that moment in Paris, that’s to say, I was missing being in love.

“Home is where the heart is”  I know my home will always be with my family and friends.  As for the forever love, it’s out there, and when I find it, I hope it too will turn my switch on inside, give me a surge of energy and make me come alive.  As for Paris, I will always call it home, maybe someday a forever home with my forever love.

LC

xo

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