Is this Home?

This being my final instalment on Paris, I know, I’m a wee behind, a little busy and somewhat distracted,  it’s been hard to stay focused these days.   That said, its given me time to think or reflect on the entire experience.  Before leaving for Paris, I was slightly worried, what if I don’t love it there…that lasted a day.  Surprised? I wondered about a lot of things, to the point my brain hurt, or maybe that was the wine?   How do you know if where you live is home?

There aren’t too many options in Canada that I would choose to live in.  Toronto is a big city which is a plus but lacks charm, where are their patios? Montreal is pretty and has a lot of history but it hasn’t really evolved in my books, the prairies, uh no….Calgary or Edmonton, I can’t even.   Ok, so I sound like Canada’s snobby big sister, I’m ok with that.  I live in Vancouver, one of the prettiest cities in the world but is that enough?  I would compare Vancouver along with dating a model, it’s very beautiful to look at but if there isn’t a lot in common, I think you would tire of just another pretty face.   Meaning, I have never been your typical outdoors girl,  I have never been shy about admitting that fact and at some point for me, perhaps all this beauty isn’t enough?   I struggle with this and I hear your disbelief, Vancouver is beautiful but it’s still a small town relative to the big players out there.

Size matters…something inside of me, a switch, a feeling, an energy when I’m in Paris, or London or Rome, these are all large cities, they make me come alive!   They too are very beautiful in their own way but it goes deeper than that.  I can’t get past the history,  (I should have paid more attention in school ) walking the streets I imagine what took place hundreds of years ago, the same buildings still standing, its hard not to get excited, I want to know every intimate detail, they’re not just another pretty face.

I felt at home in Paris, I was just getting into the groove by the end of my month.  I definitely could have stayed longer but I missed my boys.  It would have been nice to have a job or part-time studies to keep me feeling more local than a tourist.  You need a sense of purpose, a reason to get up in the morning, I’m still exploring those options.  What about love?  Doesn’t love have something to do with where you live?  I have amazing friends and of course my two sons, I feel very fortunate to be loved by so many.  But what about that one special person, that forever love that you share when you’re home, sitting side by side on the sofa…no words necessary, just being together is love enough.  I wished for that moment in Paris, even though I had my friends and son join me, there was a part of me that was missing that love.

“Home is where the heart is”  I know my home will always be with my family and friends.  As for the “forever” love, its out there and when I find it, I hope it too will turn my switch on inside, give me a surge of energy and make me come alive.  As for Paris, I will always call it home, maybe someday a forever home with my forever love.



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