Navigating modern dating, one text at a time
I was having coffee this morning with a close friend. I love how our conversations evolve—from “Did you hear what happened in the news?” to “What’s going on in your dating world?” Ha! My favourite topic, one that always sends a chill up my spine. I’ll try not to rehash what I’ve written before.
It’s not like I’ve never been in a relationship. I have—but back then, I never thought twice about picking up the phone to call or text. It was straightforward and simple (I know, old school).
Are We Playing a Different Game?
These days, though…are we playing a different game? If so, what are the rules? I text you, the ball is in your court. If you don’t respond, I move on? What?!
But what if the person you’re texting is shy or new to the dating scene? Perhaps they don’t want to make the first move. What then? Do we just stare at our phones and think, “I guess they’re just not into me?” OMG, please tell me this isn’t true!
A Lesson From a Neurosurgeon
Meanwhile, another close friend of mine recently started seeing a neurosurgeon. She commented on how sweet her guy was—sending her an emoji before surgery. HUH?!
My friend has either met a unicorn or someone who actually knows how to manage his time efficiently—or actually cares—or maybe both. The point is: if the crazy schedule of a brain surgeon can allow for a text, what’s wrong with the rest of us?
Texting shouldn’t feel like brain surgery. Imagine the great texts you might receive from that special someone if there were no pressure to wait your turn. Or if you just wanted to send a quick “thinking of you” or “hope your day’s going well.” Is that really a bad thing? Are we only allowed to text when the ball is in our court?
Once the Relationship Level is Unlocked
Obviously, once you’ve made it to the next level—i.e., a relationship—messaging becomes something different. By this point, you’ve established a connection, a bond, or whatever you want to call it. The game stops—or at least it should.
Communication is huge. I’m a big fan of picking up the phone and talking. Old school? Yes. But hearing the other person’s voice sets the tone for the conversation. Maybe I’m a bit behind the curve here, but like a lot of us, I’m learning as I go along.
Overthinking vs. Authenticity
Wasted nights I lay awake, wondering: What could I have said differently? What should I not have said? Did I screw up?
Yes, I like to overthink things. But in the end, going with what felt right—and not playing the game, being my authentic self—worked best. Amazing! I got a text back. The ball was definitely not in my court, and it didn’t feel like brain surgery at all.
LC
xo
I am not sure what this means, but one of the “More On WordPress” blog suggestions for this blog is from ‘WeAreTheGayteKeepers”.
If I talked to you every day, something tells me “just take a deep breath, Llorea” would be a frequent sentence from my lips. Have fun with the online dating stuff, just let it happen, don’t sweat the small stuff — like waiting for a message reply. Sometimes it will happen in tiny but quick steps, sometimes it will be a big boom. My suggestion? You are thinking the right way by preferring old school, talking by voice instead of by text. After the relationship takes off, little text messages to let me know that she is thinking of me (and vice versa) are nice, but constant texts can come on like an invasion. As you know, my current girlfriend uses texts like a weapon!
Best wishes. Take a deep breath, Llorea!
lol…WearetheGaytekeepers, I checked them out, no mention of my blog, you’re funny!
Yes, I’m impatient and I’m learning. That said, I have literally just finished a “FOUR” year crazy separation, I have been nothing but the utmost patient person. So clearly, I need my life to move on, right? Don’t worry, I’m not some serial texter, in fact, I’m the opposite. I would hate sounding desperate or needy, NOT my style. But this topic of texting comes up often, just say’n. BTW, no online dating for this girl, it’s a shit show out there!
Ok, 4 years qualifies you as a super hero with super patient powers. 4 years would drive me super crazy. I remember that trapped feeling.. and it was complete torture.
Texting can show how attentive a person can be, reveal their sensitivity and level of courtesy. It doesn’t matter how interested or busy I am, most people deserve a prompt response.. even if it requires more careful thought. Careful responses are the fun part!
By the way, the gatekeepers blog must have come up because your blog was about texting. It was a blog about texting etiquette for gay men!